Am home sick. Really ill. I keep getting these recurring strep throat infections. As the doctors put it, I’m colonized. WTF! Colonized. Like I’m a new planet and the germs are having a party in my throat. Err. Ewww. Strangely, I tend to get sick when I’m feeling like a wreck. And right now, have decisions to make about work, my living situation, my Mom, that are giving me the heebie jeebies. I’m not saying I want to be sick. . .but it is infinitely better than decision making right now.Then there’s the impending Valentine’s Day holiday. I love V day, whether or not I have anyone to share it with. There’s a certain pink and red gaudiness that I find charming. Who is buying the Whitman’s samplers? No, seriously. . .answer me. Who the heck is buying the tacky stuff that is everywhere from mid January to February 15th? I want to meet that man and shake his hand. It’s so American! I digress. Back to the heart of the matter (pun intended!). . . .Valentine’s Day. Last year was my first single girl V-day in years and I was sick then too! Dammit. That’s a recurring trend. I wasn’t terribly lonely. What I did think about all day was how I was free, liberated from a relationship that brought me real joy but was not going anywhere. More on that MUCH later. This year, I have worries. Tangible and concrete worries about my future. And yes, finding someone to love is important but what about just loving me? Feel ever so dopey writing that. Self-love. Not in the autoerotic way but loving myself enough to do what’s best for me, not just others. I’m freaking tired of being a good girl and the good, noble daughter. Have no idea what being tired is going to get me, but it’s a start.
