Waiting to exhale

Two weeks passed by rather quickly.  I had to finish up projects, say good byes and deal with yet another throat curse requiring antibiotics.  It was good that I had the two weeks to properly leave the place, to affirm that my decision was the best one I could  have made.  One thing I heard over and over again was ‘good for you. I wish I could do it.’  What these folks usually mean is that they don’t feel they can leave an unhappy job situation b/c of resposibilities-a mortgage or rent, children, car payments.  I, luckily, have none of those responsibilities so why stay in a situation where the start of the day was not a cause for rejoicing?  But the more I think about it, the more I think no one should.  Some of my former co-workers are miserable and make those around them miserable. 

A perfect example to illustrate: at the company there is a Notorious Busybody who snoops through people’s things, spreads rumors, gives the evil eye and yet wears  a cross round her neck.  I believe the only reason that they don’t fire the woman is that she is about to retire soon and has been there since the ’60s.  Last week she called me into the bathroom to say something. It was to warn me about another girl at work, who she said tells the comptroller of the company everything.  I was horrified but the look on her face when I said that the girl she was maligning and I are friends was priceless.  She almost DOVE into the bathroom stall. 

A woman like the Notorious Busybody is pathetic. She’s hated her job for about a decade, if not longer, seems to have no life outside of work and fails to see how wearing the cross and being evil are antithetical.  I think when you’re that unhappy you can’t do the same old same old everyday.  I don’t care what responsibilities you claim to have- change your life, or your attitude or both.  It is a useless way to spend life that way. Americans spend more time at work that most people in the world and yet, I rarely hear love for the work we do.  I don’t hear pride.  Something has to change in our collective mentality.

My incident with the busybody was but one interesting facet of leaving. My direct supervisor talked trash about me b/c I took a day off to be sick.  Yikes.  I will tell you that I had to exert total self control when I heard that.  My first instinct was extreme anger.  I wanted to call her up and curse that broad out.  Hahahaha.  But I didn’t b/c that would be so counterproductive. I calmed myself down with prayer and by playing catch with Cosette.  Then I realized that hen people talk behind your back it’s about them, and not about you. The people I like at work don’t take a word she says seriously,  Plus, she’s not in the best place in her life and my leaving is going to burden her with extra work so maybe she was just venting.  Not nice, but. . . I should chill, not pick up the phone and just be REALLY glad I never have to see her again.  

For the most part, people were extremely kind. I’ve saved emails, and cards that were encouraging and touched me.  Apparently, I was liked for my efficiency, helpfulness and good cheer. I leave knowing that I did a good job.  Even the boss man hugged me and wished me well.  Other positives:  the girl who irked me more than ANY human ever has actually apologized!  I did too- I think I should have had a  little more grown self-control and talked to her about the issues that we had. At the time, it was hard to have the detachment.  But I will remain friends with some of my co-workers and am really excited and pleased about that.  

Saying my final goodbyes was sad but like Madonna says:  There’s no greater power than the power of good-bye. It’s always a little heartbreaking to end a stage of your life but choosing change is really about not giving in to fear .

Now I’m resting up b/c my Quest is beginning soon.  I feel like I’m being lead by the Higher Power to a better destiny. Am processing multiple thoughts and emotions  right now, but the greatest one is relief.  I’m not stressed out- maybe I should be but I welcome Change. 

good golly

 

March is one of my favorite months.  There’s a hint of Spring in the air, holidays like Easter and St. Patrick’s.  Now I have another reason to like March.

I resigned from my job today.  Have spent weeks agonizing and crying and feeling unsure about Changing after three years but this weekend, with much prayer and dialogue with friends,  I realized that the work itself is not a good fit, that my personality and what I do are in sharp conflict.  My health has suffered, my sense of optimism was diminished; no amount of positive thinking and working on myself was making the job feel like a great fit.  Am glad that I didn’t resign the ’smart’ way by getting a different job first.  Was honest with my boss but not overly so, and I have not burned ay bridges.  To be honest, these are people I like and want to remain in  touch with so why go out in a blaze of glory?

Two more weeks.  I’m positive that I’ll be a little sad but there’s relief on my face and in my heart. Sometimes making a decision, ANY decision, is the best way.  I can’t let life happen to me, you know? But guess what?  I know I made the right decision.  Cheerful Anna is NOT just weekend Anna anymore. WOOHOO!

Still have no idea what I am going to DO with myself later, but I plan to take a break now.   After St. Patty’s I am going to sleep in, luxuriate in some carefully chosen novels, write, travel a bit, go on mile long walks with Cosy.

I anticipate being Content.  

See sleepy Cosy photo below.   Doesn’t Cosy make napping look awesome?

 

 

 

crikey. . .Leap Year 08

Good things first: read the John Adams bio, which was AWESOME.  If you haven’t and you enjoy history, revolution and a love story for the ages, this could be a book for you.  Have been especially fertile with writing too.  Listening to mush music, spending time with friends.  BUT works been difficult.  I am going to break a rule I had formed in my head and talk about work on a blog.  But I need to speak.  

In general, I have enjoyed working where I work.  I have pretty nice, quirky co-workers, have a varied week b/c my projects change every week (one of the best parts of being a project manager), and my schedule is 8:30-4:30.  All v.good things I appreciate.  However, the work load has been outrageous, I am now at the level where ‘no errors will be tolerated.’  To say I am stressed is an understatement.  I had a moment where I cried in the bathroom.  It felt criminally GOOD to cry- the release was splendid.  But this leaves me to ponder.  .  .what shall I do with myself?  Is this where I want to be?  What DO I want to do with my life?  I don’t know the answers to these questions but I want to start thinking about the possible answers.  For three years, I have been trying to be practical, methodical and efficient. I am all of those things but I am also denying what I call ‘weekend’ self.  Yet I Don’t want to make any hasty decisions based on the anger I sometimes feel with the job.  

Tomorrow is Leap Day. Exciting.  In honor, I cut my hair a tad shorter and in a slightly funkier way.  Hair makes a huge difference, my peeps.  Go Hair!  

brevity

This was a difficult week.  Busy at work because of our market (when buyers come to see our new product) but primarily b.c one of my co-workers lost her mom.  It was unexpected, and thus doubly hard.  When you see someone you admire and respect so fragile it is hard.   The priest at the wake spoke about the brevity of our lives, how we must use our days wisely.   I’ve been thinking about those words since-what does it mean to use this brief lifespan well?  Certainly, to use your days well it must mean forming good relationships, doing honest work, contributing positively to the common good.  For me, it also means having faith despite hardship, much like my favorite saint.   http://www.americancatholic.org/features/francis/       I’m working on all of the above.    St. Valentine’s Day was also this week.  I saw a gazillion mylar balloons floating by. http://www.balloonplace.com/catalog/valentine.html   Crikey!  They are so hard to stand next to on the 5 train!   Anyway, St. V had me feeling a bit nostalgic. . .remembrance of things and people who are no longer in my life.  One person in particular.  Is it a sign of maturity that I only wish him well now, that the anger has faded.  I hope it’s a sign or maturity.